LOOK HERE, YOU LOT. IT'S FREITAG. IT'S A KEY POUCH. IT'S THE SMALLEST BIT OF USED TRUCK TARPAULIN YOU WILL EVER OWN.

THIS IS THE F05 BLAIR. IT'S RED GREY. WHICH MEANS IT’S A BLEND OF LOUD RED AND ROAD DIRT. IT’S GOT THE SCUFF MARKS ALREADY. IT’S CALLED PATINA, MATE.

IT’S FOR YOUR COINS. IT’S FOR YOUR SINGLE, VERY IMPORTANT KEY. DON'T TRY TO FIT YOUR PHONE IN IT. IT'S TINY.

YOU ARE PAYING A LOT FOR THIS SMALL SQUARE OF RECYCLED PLASTIC. THAT'S THE VIBE. YOU ARE GREEN AND RICH. GOOD FOR YOU.

BUY IT. STOP LOSING YOUR FLAT KEY. SORTED.

· Manufacturer color: Red Grey
· Composition: This unique piece is made of approximately 94%* recycled materials